The Man From Planet Earth
By Paul Lyons
Parking your car in San Francisco is always a chore. There is street cleaning which you do not want to get a ticket for. There are really small parking spots between driveways that lure you in but are really just places for motorcycles, golf carts and maybe a horse in a time long ago. Once you do find a spot after longer than you thought possible, you quickly get your stuff out of the trunk and head off to whatever meeting you need to get to, often not remembering where the hell you actually parked. This happens all the time.
The other day I was getting into my car after a grueling day at the office. A middle age Asian woman with about five plastic bags, weighted down with groceries walked towards me. Her fingers were probably losing circulation and she seemed exhausted. "Can you drive me around neighborhood? I cannot remember where I pak ma car." A very strange request I thought but I sympathized with the woman. A lot of the blocks in the Richmond and Sunset Districts look a lot a like. "Sure, climb in the back seat. I have a bit of time." So we drive a few blocks and much to her relief, she spots her car.
I drove to work the other day, as I had to go to a meeting downtown and a car would work better than my bike. When I got to my car to make the drive, the car was dead. I had left the lights on. Bummer. I looked around. No one was getting into their car. Right behind me was a van and I noticed that someone was running a carpet cleaning business out of the garage. I knocked on the door and explained my situation. I told him I had cables and needed a jump. He seemed a bit pissed off and said OK but that he needed five minutes as he was in the middle of something. Fine. No problem.
When he came out he went into a big thing about what was in it for him. I said I had some baked goods in the car I would share if he were interested. He was not interested. So we jump-started my car anyway. Suspecting that he was from somewhere in South America and being only friendly, I asked him where he was from. This set him off on a rage. "I’m from planet earth man. Planet earth!" So I asked where on planet earth. "I told you. Planet Earth!" Well thank you for jumping my car. Good day - man from Planet Earth.
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